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Evil Con Carne/Transcript
Hector: Attention, League of Nations, you will lower your pathetic defenses and turn control of the planet over to me, Hector Con Carne. If you do not comply by six o'clock, this... Hey! Point the camera at me, you doo-doo! ME! *'Prime Minister': What control of the world? *'Hector': Ahem. Yes. So, turn over control of the world to me or will force to use my Doomsday Device! With this, I can reduce your cities to smoking rubble. You have six hours to meet my demands. Oh, that was horrible! Bad Boskov! Bad bear! These days like this that I wish my real body hadn't exploded! *'Skarr': I hate to be the bearer of bad news, sir, but the League of Nations had sent a team of crack commandos to stop us. *'Hector': Commandos? How can we stop them from kicking our butts, General Skarr? *'Skarr': Hmmm. Cover our butts with our hands, sir? *'Hector': Hmmm. Major Doctor Ghastly. Suggestions? *'Ghastly': Well, chief. The best thing to do in these situations is to listen to your gut. *'Stomach': I'm hungry. *'Hector': Oooh! The Doomsday Device! Boskov, quickly! Activate the Doomsday Device! No, wait! The Doomsday Device is the other way! No, there is no time for that! Boskov, I command you! *'Skarr': Sir, I... *'Commando': Alright, commandos! Let's rock! *'Hector': AH! Guards, protect the Doomsday Device! Ay caramba! *'Commando': Lunch break! *'Hector': Can't feel... my legs. *'Stomach': Hey. Can I have some honey, too? *'Hector': Arrrgh! That is it! (Hector crawls to Boskov) You good-for-nothing waste of fat! You're FIRED! *'Ghastly': But, chief! You can't fire your own body! *'Hector': Boskov is not my body! He's just a big, stupid animal that you stuck me to! Major Doctor, I order you to construct for me a new body, a body with which I will dominate the world! Major Doctor Ghastly, is my body ready yet? *'Ghastly': Oh, Boskov's not completely useless, chief. I think he deserves another chance. Ready, Boskov? You'll love this, chief! Alright, Boskov! Do your trick! Come on! Do your trick, Boskov! Oh, come on. Do it for mommy! (Ghastly makes baby noises) Yes! Oh! Would you do it for a piece of bacon? *'Stomach': Bacon is a tasty snack. *'Ghastly': Do your trick, Boskov! Do it for the bacon! Good boy! *'Hector': Stop wasting my time! I am never going to need to unicycle across a tightrope! The only thing I need to do is rule the world! *'Ghastly': Yes, sir. *'Hector': (Gasps) It's beautiful! *'Ghastly': This is the B1000 Full Body Replacement System. It features enhanced strength, titanium armor, plasma cannons, a rear-mounted rocket array, and side airbags. *'Hector': What are you looking at? You're fired! (Boskov cries) Shoo! I never want to see you again! *'Ghastly': Oh. Poor Boskov. *'Skarr': Those accursed commandos are back from their lunch break. *'Hector': Let them come. I think they're in for a little surprise. Hahahaha! Looking for me? *'Commando': It's the brain! Get him! What the- *'Hector': This is like shooting monkeys in a barrel! *'Commando': Let's get out of here! Retreat! *'Hector': No one retreats from Hector Con Carne! Hahaha! *'Ghastly': No, chief! Not the rockets! *'Hector': Help, help! *'Ghastly': Chief! *'Hector': Help me! Ah! Help me! *'Skarr': Oh, just pull yourself up, you big baby. *'Hector': I can't! This body is too heavy! AH! I'm slipping! Boskov! Boskov, you rescued me! Oh, after all of the terrible things I did to you, I've been a pretty bad guy. *'Skarr': We're all the bad guys, sir. *'Hector': Yes, but I owe Boskov my life. I shall no longer be bad to my... friends. I pledge never to yell at you again. Now, let's go dominate the world together. Ow! Stupido bear! If I had hands, I'd strangle you! Ouch, oh! I think I'm getting a concussion. Category:Evil Con Carne transcripts Category:Transcripts Category:Season 1 Transcripts